Wednesday, June 23, 2010

illustration by bradhallart on flickr

Life can be a mysterious thing. Why are we here? What's my purpose? Is there life after death, and all that sort of stuff. But sometimes, it's the small stuff that I find perplexing.

The other week, I was taking my pooch for a walk. With baggie in hand to prepare for the degrading act of scooping up yesterday's doggie dinner, I meandered down the street enjoying my neighbours' freshly mowed lawns and sweetly kept gardens (admittedly, these same gardens stir up guilt as I compare them to my own weed-infested displays; my ode to nature's version of 'Animal House').

A short time into our walk, the bag now the opposite of empty, I tie it in a knot and leave it on the roadside so that I can walk freely without its burden, with full intentions of collecting it on the way back (I have lowered myself to collect the poop, but I'll be damned if it will be company on my journey).

Upon circling back to do the poop pickup, the bag was nowhere to be seen. Leaving it unattended for only twenty minutes, I feel compelled to survey the street. No one in sight. Not garbage day. Oh well, I say to myself. Perhaps someone just came across it and scooped it up for me.

But here's the kicker: this keeps happening. Three times now I have left my doggie bag and three times, within twenty minutes, my bag has disappeared into the unknown.

I recently heard on the news of someone breaking and entering homes to steal dirty diapers. He said he liked to 'wear them' - no joke. Is this a twisted fetish I could be dealing with? Am I being watched? Is someone staking me out?

Or maybe my dog's digestive remains make great fertilizer for all these wonderful gardens I pass by. Despite these odd circumstances, I fail to feel like a victim here. They're stealing poop for #@!&% sakes.

I guess I may never come to realize the identity of these poop perps. I will, however, continue to leave my steaming, plastic loot bags on the side of the road and perhaps, one day, my consistent actions will 'flush out' the answer.

I'll tell you this, though. I think twice about stopping and smelling the roses anywhere along my street.

In the meantime, I will leave you with one of my childhood's favourite snacks. Completely unrelated to the story above, by the way.

Haystack Cookies

1/2 cup milk
1/2 cups unsalted butter
2 cups white sugar
6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
3 cups minute oats
1 cup shredded coconut

Place the milk, butter, sugar, and cocoa in saucepan. Bring to a boil for one minute. Remove from heat then stir in oats. Mix in coconut. Drop in spoonfuls on waxed paper. Place in fridge and cool until set.

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