Monday, February 15, 2010

Attention Male Shoppers...

photo courtesy of on flickr

Due to the fact that I am, against my free will, in the grocery store about forty three times a week, I am confident with labeling myself a heavy user of said establishment. On that note, I am going to use this space to express my grievances with the *MALE SHOPPER.

Now I know this write-up won't be deemed politically correct in (what is supposed to be) a gender-respected society, but there are some serious infractions that need to be addressed.

*note: I know there are some exceptions (Spanky, perhaps you're reading this) but I know this speaks for the majority:

1. When you (yes, I mean YOU - the male shopper) need to linger over a shelf's selection, park your cart to the side of the aisle. Do not park your cart in the middle of the aisle while your eyes search for an item on your list; clearly written in your wife's hand-writing.

2. Don't stress. I know you were sent to get a can of diced tomatoes. The fact that there are several brand names shouldn't confuse you to the tenth degree. Stop clogging up the aisle with your cart and your stupified look as you survey all the cans. Just pick one. Not necessarily the cheapest one either. Splurge a little for that pot of chili she's going to make for the family tonight.

3. Most of my frustration is experienced in the produce section. Here's a thought. Bag your fruits and vegetables. Don't let them roll around in the cart and then pile them on the conveyor belt at check-out. It's in everyone's best interest if you group your selections together.

4. When you do come across the roll of bags in the produce section, grab a whole bunch while you have your chance. That will prevent you from stationing your cart in front of the bins that everyone is trying to access while you aimlessly (with much bewilderment) search for a bag while walking around with six bruised apples in your hand, and a watermelon in the other.

5. Do not bag vegetables and fruits together in one bag. This creates a massive hold-up at check-out. Much appreciated.

One day, as I was in checkout waiting for a man to pile his sixteen oranges and twelve kiwis on the conveyer belt, I perused through a 'Bon Appetit' issue and came across the most amazing dessert. It is one I now treasure and make on special occasions. It was time well spent alongside the agony in watching him complete his purchase. So, to him, I say thank you. For the rest of you, I leave you with the recipe. It's a lot of work, but well worth it. Just like the man in your life.

Molten Lava Cakes

  • 4 1/2 ounces bittersweet (not unsweetened) or semisweet chocolate, chopped
  • 2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
  • 1/3 cup hot water
  • 1/4 cup light corn syrup
  • 3/4 teaspoon peppermint extract

  • 5 ounces bittersweet (not unsweetened) or semisweet chocolate, chopped
  • 10 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • 3 large eggs
  • 3 large egg yolks
  • 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
  • 1/2 cup all purpose flour
  • Vanilla ice cream


  1. Oh yes, this is entirely true!!!
    You summed it up perfectly.
    I'm trying those cakes! Yum, you had me at

  2. Men ARE alot of work. Damn.
    I do have to say, though, that for a period, I was one of those "I don't need a bag for my dozen oranges"-type. In my defence, I thought I was helping to reduce global warming. So sad........

  3. Laura, I sometimes use my reusable bags for fruit - especially since Zachary bought me a hand juicer for Christmas and we now have to purchase 122 oranges a week! :)

  4. Very very true it is!
    Surprised too that you didn't mention the people in the express lane with 25 items as you stand there behind them with 2.

  5. haha! True Trace, I do the grocery shopping - and I stick to 2 stores (that I know like the back of my hand) ...and I run into the same problems. Damn you men!!! ...I mean, umm, 'cmon, get it together guys!! I'm going to invent a bicycle bell or horn that you can easily attach/remove from shopping carts. ;-)


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